"When senses just can't decide."

I dont really know which is worst, being sinful or watching someone being sinful and NOT doing anything about it. Well, maybe its because i couldnt do anything about it either ways. But lately, i've been the former and latter. God i have sinned. And hell, it felt bad. The thing is, although i knew i sort of sinned, i just didnt want to "repent" it if you get what i mean. we all go through the same event in our lives.

I realised, being sinful isnt so much like a crime. Its a disease to be more exact. You do it or dont do it, and you know its wrong but you cant stop yourself (in this case myself) from saying "God, i have sinned. I'd better stop.". Its funny how the feeling of sinfulness just grow on you day by day by day. Day turns into weeks and weeks, into months. Its a fast faith killer process.

Luckily, i decided, today would be the day i end it all. Or so at least minimize the damages. And being there, prayin to God and mind you its not the usual i'm-on-the-street-and-waitning-for-the-bus-and-going: "God! Where is the bus?!". Its more faith related this time round. And boy, did it feel good.

Well, it felt strange, to be exact. The emotional feeling cum sentational take-my-breathe-away moments were there. I wanted to cry, to sob in sorrow of my past, - what i've done wrong all this while. But i couldnt, i didnt want to look weak. Its a crazy feeling. The room was windy (due to the fan) but at the same time i felt calmness in me and knowing that there is a person out there who CAN help if i really want it.

I dont know about you as much as i dont know about me sometimes. Being someone who's always feeling and thinking twice to carry out an act knowing that for eg., if i punch this irritating guy, it'll feel good but i'm dead. Which is the better option? Usually, i'll just take a deep breath and walk away. People like this are sometimes best left to God or someone else
who can teach them a lesson and get away scott free with it. We all go through it. Its just that sometimes, we make the wrong move too early. there is a saying that goes: "The strongest man is not judged by his strength, but by his will to control his anger...: Lets just pray that i'm the strongest man.

P.S to the person who's "feeling" that its him/her that i'm talking bout, you'd better pray too.