"You've got to do whatever it takes to survive"

Tips on how to be a real Sinagporean bastard:

1) When in the train/bus find a sit quickly, sit down and DON'T look up. Chances are, you might see an old person and you inner-self, being guilty, makes you give up your $0.45-$1.15 worth of seating pleasure.

2) When wanting to eat in the train, eat under the sign "No eating or drinking: Fine $500". Because, no one really look up to that sign anymore. So chances are, you wont be filmed/camera-ed and your smart tactic being put on the net. (Eg. Like in Stomp, youtube or on other people's blogs.)



3) When there's loads of seat in the mrt, choose the seat that is next to the one just beside the door. Rationale: When an old person/pregnant lady comes in from the door, you cant "say" that you never see her. So people will probably nudge you to give up your precious (say it with me: PRECIOUS!) seat. Being next to "that" seat means you'll have a shield to defend you. You can "say" that the person sitting beside you was blocking your view and you didnt see that i'm-da-boss-gimme-your-seat person. Get the drift?

4) If you are rushing to grab that last loaf of bread on the shelf and there's this pesky auntie whos gonna grab it before you, Throw a 10cent coin behind her. Throw it hard. Make the ground go "ka-ching-ching-ching.....!" Chances are, she'll turn around and thats the time to grab that loaf of delicious bread. What's 10cent compared to a hunger?

5) Lastly - flirt with someone's steady. Thats the just being the greatest bastard, especially if you get her/him to two-time. Chances are, you dead meat if that girl is some gangster's girl. But hey, what's pleasure compared to a chance of getting whacked?

6) When queuing up for taxi, stand approximately 30m ahead of the nearest peron who's waiting to flag a taxi down. As logical as the world is round, this is to ensure that you get THAT cab FIRST. Its YOU who is important. If the terrain doesnt permit for a 30m distance, then stand at least 5m from the turn/junction/carpark. Smart planning, buys you timing. Whatever this means....